Sunday, August 5, 2012

On Eve of Curiosity Rover Mars Landing, Romney Announces His Own Space Program

August 5, 2012
Boston, MA

On the eve of the Curiosity rover landing, NASA's most ambitious Mars landing attempt ever, Mitt Romney took the opportunity to discuss his own ideas for America's space program. "I will bring America's beloved shuttle out of mothballs," Romney said.

When reporters pressed him for further details, Romney would only say, "Once I'm President, I'll tell you." From the back of the room, someone shouted, "Is there any truth to the rumor that you're invested in seven companies that would get billions of dollars in contracts to make the shuttle ready to fly again?" Visibly angered by the question, Romney snapped, "You people have all you need to know about my finances."

"Why bring the shuttle back, Governor Romney, when NASA says it is no longer an economically viable space vehicle? How do you justify your plan from a budgetary standpoint?" asked CNN's Miles O'Brien. "NASA made that decision because the shuttle has a small payload capability," Romney said. "I have a plan to increase its payload capability, thereby making it able to carry more material into space each time it is launched," Romney explained. "You're planning to strap a giant dog crate to the shuttle?" O'Brien asked. "Not a 'dog crate,'" Romney snapped. "It's a highly advanced, airtight container that has been modified to attach to the shuttle's roof. It has a special windshield," he added.

"How much will this so called 'highly advanced" container cost? And who will build it?" shouted the reporter from the back of the room. "We estimate the container will only cost around $13 Billion," Romney answered. "And who will build it?" the reporter shouted again.

"That's all the questions I have time for today," Romney said as he was rushed from the room by his handlers.

Note: This is satire.

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